I was recently asked to share my 3 tips for bouncing back after setbacks and transitions.

When I think about it, the biggest transition in my life was definitely becoming a mom. Everything is either “before my son was born” or “after my son was born”. That’s how it works with the big stuff. It becomes a mile marker in our lives.

I had this fantasy of what it would be like to be a mom. I would be so in love, my days would be spent smelling the sweet scent of my baby, and I would feel content, and fulfilled. Ha! The reality was, I was exhausted, anxious beyond belief with the feeling that I had utterly no idea what I was doing, and truthfully could barely take care of myself, let alone my baby. It probably had something to do with my body recovering from 16 hours of intense labor followed by an emergency C- section, but whatever. I was a hot mess.

I wish I had known what I am about to share with you. I struggled through, and survived, sure. And now, it’s way back in my rear view mirror. But, if I could talk to that scared mom, I would say:

  • Give yourself the gift of TIME. The idea of “bouncing back” implies that it is a quick and easy process. Nope. How much time? Well, a wise person once said “it takes as long as it takes””. Each person and situation is different, with so many variables. You cannot predict how long it will take you to recover from your setback or transition. It is a matter of “allowing”. Most of us are not patient. This requires a conscious effort. When you give yourself time, you lower your expectations of yourself (in a good way), you limit your commitments, you take it as easy as you can.
  • Acknowledge your PAIN. Again, not something we are great at. We tend to run for the hills at the first sign of discomfort, looking for a way to avoid the pain. Or we want the other person to acknowledge it for us. “Hey, don’t you see me here? I am in PAIN!!”” We are the ones who need to acknowledge our experience. We own it. It belongs to us. Even just sitting in that moment, and saying “wow, this is really hard for me.” It sounds trite. But, this kind of self compassion is very powerful and healing.
  • Reach out for SUPPORT. There is someone or someones out there who know what you are going through. Either a professional who specializes in your issue, or a support group, or a friend you know has been through something similar. Whatever you have gone through, you are not the only one. When you get a chance to share with someone else who “gets it”. That is going to be a light in your darkness. You will find out that your pain is part of the human experience. And you are a human. Even if you’d rather be a superhero.

You may be saying, “well, all of that is common sense.’’ The truth is some of the simplest things are the most powerful.

And it isn’t just knowing them, it is actually DOING them where their power lies. You have that power.

Be sure to check back soon for more posts, including posts in the new year where I will be breaking down these tips and diving deep into the healing process.  And always, feel free to reach out to me for more individualized support.

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jennifer@jennifercomercounseling.com
609-315-6506


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